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What happened? No idea.
What I did, in case someone (Ommina maybe?) cares:
Rolled back DB 1 day 8 hours because I had just woken up and thought the DB exploded, no change. Rolled back to a backup 8 hours ago, still no change. Left it on that backup since it's been down more than 8 hours anyway.
Had to turn off Dreamhost's Fast-CGI PHP 5, worked fine after that. Even a simple <? echo "test"; ?> wasn't working.
I'll yell at Dreamhost at some indeterminate time in the future. Strangely, only CN's sites broke, despite my WOW guild's site, amongst others, being setup the exact same way on the same server.
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